THE WATERBURY TALES

Navigating the site: The Dramat performed the original musical revue The Waterbury Tales in three versions in 1941. No full program with cast listed has surfaced for the first version, although two scripts of most of the show survive, one typed by Ethel Jaffe (Dramat secretary) in 1942 and one presented to the Beinecke Library in 1989 by Max Wilk, '41. Complete programs for the Freshman Prom version (March, 1941) and for the Christmas Tour version, listing the names of all involved, have survived and are reproduced below as Freshman Program and Tour Program. Using the "find in page" feature of your browser, you can find names of individuals mentioned.

Following these programs are the surviving scripts of the sketches and song lyrics. These are linked, where appropriate, to the programs in which they appeared, so you may jump from the program to the sketch and back.

At the end are three appendices, which can be reached from the links below: A letter from Dean DeVane, a "Who's Who" of the tour cast, and the tour itinerary.

A note about music: I have the Penelope ballet music, "What a Lovely Land is Long Island," and "Peter Pan-Hellenic," played on the piano in 1993 by Dudley Felton '41, the composer, as well as "Stag Line," (for the opening of Act II), for which I have no words (Do you?). And I have the sheet music for "She Is" (see The Lorelei) by Dick Brecker '43, published by Irving Berlin Inc. in 1941. I welcome any suggestions from viewers about recording and preserving the music. Although I have all the music in my head and my memory's good, my voice isn't.

Responding to an appeal in 1993, I received useful material from Norm Boucher, Bruzz Nimick, and Dudley Felton. Many thanks to them. Now how about some more contributors?

Todd Furniss, 685 La Posada Circle #902, Green Valley, AZ 85614-5132.
E-Mail: todd.furniss.je.42@aya.yale.edu

[Initial Run, January (?), 1941. No actual program with cast list has yet turned up for the first run of The Waterbury Tales, but the script for most of the show is on file in the Beinecke Library at Yale, gift of Max Wilk '41. The list of numbers below follows that manuscript. The differences from the Freshman Prom program (q.v.) are as follows:
1. The Courtier In Connecticut and its song "A Knight in Shining Armor" were cut from the show; the songs "At the Residence of the Peabody Beebes" was incorporated into The Wooing of Roxane. The song, "What a Lovely Land is Long Island," seems to have been dropped entirely.
2. The song "Here Over Here" was part of a number called The Prodigal Son in the opening show. "Americancan" was also in the show, possibly as a separate number. Both appeared as part of Sleeping Beauty at the end of Act I in the tour program.]

A Waterbury Debut ...........................................................The Wayfarers

The Waterbury Tales ....................................................The Wayfarers

With sketches mostly by John W. Leggett '42 and William H. Schubart,Jr. '41
With lyrics mostly by Samuel J. Wagstaff, Jr. '44 and John W. Leggett '42

Dudley P. Felton '41
Franklin B. Young '42
Albert W. Selden '44
Richard L. Brecker '43
Jack G. Eisenberg '40

Dances Directed by Dean Goodelle
Settings Designed by Peter Wolf
Costumes Designed by Joe Fretwell, III
Music Arranged by Franklin B. Young

Merry..................C. Meredith Boyce '42
Beck............... Beckwith R. Bronson '42
Don.............. Donald L. Brown, Jr. '43S
Dink.................... Samuel S. Connor '42
Sambo.................... Samuel H. Coxe '43
Jack...................... John C. Davidson '42
Gus...... .Augustus Van Cortlandt, III '44
Newt................ Newell P. Weed, Jr. '43S
Morg....................... Morgan Wesson '41

Pygmalion............................. John W. Leggett '42
Galatea.................................. John D. Fletcher '43
Abercrombie & Fitch....... Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42
Brooks, Ltd..................... J. H. Cameron Peake, '43
Peck & Peck............................... Robert C. Dye '41
A. G. Spalding..................... Edgar T. Glass, Jr. '42
Tecla................................ James M. Woodhull '42S
Lanz of Salzburg..................... Charles P. Aberg '41

and Robert L. Brush '42, William B. Cleary '43, Charles H. Dearborn, II '43, Thomas B. DeMott '42, W. Dale Fisher '41, Philip R. Freeman '41, David E. Gile '44, George R. Hill '43, Louis H. Hollister '43, Richard M. Ketchum '43, Elmore McN. McKee '44, Charles P. McVicker '42, Arleigh D. Richardson, III '44, George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41, Robert S. Tolles '42, Dean Witter, Jr. '44.

The Girl................ George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41
The Boy............................ Charles P. Aberg '41

The Athlete................... Thomas B. DeMott '42
and Charles H. Dearborn, II '42, Philip R. Freeman '41, Spencer D. Moseley '43, Dean Witter, Jr. '44

The Intellectual............. Edward L. German '42
and William B. Cleary '43, W. Dale Fisher '41, Albert B. Hilton, IV '44, Webb L. Nimick '44

The Glamour Boy...... George R. Nichols, III '42
and Maurice Goodman '43, Louis H. Hollister '43, Richard M. Ketchum '43, Arleigh Richardson, III '44

Jupiter............................... Henry J. Wright '42S
Mercury........................ Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42
Alcmena.......................... Paul C. Harper, Jr. '42
Amphytrion............ .Victor von Schlegell, Jr. '44

Cyril............................ Philip F. W. Peck, Jr. '41
Christian..................... J. H. Cameron Peake '43
Roxane........................... Claude Douthit, Jr. '42
George.................................. George R. Hill '43
Dave....................................... David E. Gile '44
Cuddles........................... Paul C. Harper, Jr. '42
Nancy................................. Webb L. Nimick '44
Gloria.............................. Maurice Goodman '43
Harry................................ Henry J. Wright '42S
Chuck................................. Charles P. Aberg '41
Ted................................... Edgar T. Glass, Jr. '42
Dale....................................... W. Dale Fisher '41
Tank........................... George R. Nichols, III '42
Charlie.......................Charles H. Dearborn, II '43
Dick............................... Richard M. Ketchum '43

Robert L. Brush '42, William B. Cleary '43, Edward L. German '42, Albert B. Hilton, IV '44, Louis H. Hollister '43, Elmore McN. McKee '44, Charles P. McVicker '42, Arleigh D. Richardson, III '44, George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41, Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42, George C. Thornton '43

The Waltz........................... Nancy and Dick
The Polka..........................Cuddles and Ted
The Rhumba..................... Gloria and Harry
The One-Step.................. Nancy and Chuck
The Tango....................... Roxane and Tank
The Boogie-Woogie...... Cuddles and Charlie
The Conga.......................... Gloria and Dale
Music by Albert W. Selden '44; Lyrics bySamuel J. Wagstaff, Jr. '44

The Piper..................................................................William B. Cleary '43

The Guys .................................................................. David M. Boffey '43, Edward L. German '42, Edgar T. Glass, Jr. '42, Maurice Goodman '43, George R. Hill '43, Richard M. Ketchum '43, Charles P. McVicker '42, J. H. Cameron Peake `43, George G. Schreiber '41, Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42, and Henry J. Wright '42S
The Sheff Men ............................................................Charles P. Aberg '41, Claude Douthit, Jr. '42, Robert C. Dye '41, W. Dale Fisher '41, John D. Fletcher '43, Albert B. Hilton, IV '44, Louis H. Hollister '43, Elmore McN. McKee '44, George R. Nichols, III '42, Webb L. Nimick '44, Arleigh D. Richardson, III '44, Dean Witter, Jr. '44.

Quartet Arrangement Sung By Maurice Goodman '43, George R. Hill '43,
Edward L. German '42, and J. H. Cameron Peake '43
By John A. Kneubuhl '42; Music and Lyrics by Franklin B. Young '42

A Waterbury Debut ...........................................................The Wayfarers

Dink Stover ........................... Philip W. Peck, Jr. '41
Augustus Van Cortlandt, III...... John W. Leggett '42

By William H. Schubart, Jr. '41; Music by Richard L. Brecker '43; Lyrics by Samuel J. Wagstaff, Jr. '44

The Lorelei............................................... John D. Fletcher '43 and Charles H. Dearborn, II '43, Thomas B. DeMott '42, Robert C. Dye '41, Philip R. Freeman '41, James P. Furniss '41, David E. Gile '44, Spencer D. Moseley '43, Robert S. Tolles '42, Victor von Schlegell, Jr. '44, Dean Witter, Jr. '44.

She Is ................................................................The Sailors

The Waterbury Tales ..................................................................The Wayfarers

The Debutante.........................................James P. Furniss '41
Her Mother..........................................Edgar T. Glass, Jr. '42
Her Grandmother.................................. David M. Boffey '43
And the Entire Company

By William H. Schubart, Jr. '41
The Wayfarer dialogue has been written by William H. Schubart, Jr. '41 and Max Wilk '41
and directed by Richard O. Fleischer.
Franklin B. Young '42 and Dudley P. Felton '41 at the pianos
Costumes executed by Sally-Ross Dinsmore
Makeup by Patricia Montgomery

Technical Director ....................................................... John N. Deming '41
Production Manager.................................................... Allen F. Lovejoy '41
Stage Manager........................................................... Richard G. Kehoe '43
Assistant to the Director.......................................Howard M. Holtzmann '42
Assistant to the Dance Director.............................. William L. Bromberg '44
Assistant to the Scene Designer............................................. C. D. Blake '42
Assistant Stage Managers...... William A. Kirkpatrick, George H. Day, Jr. '44

Among those Freshmen participating in The Waterbury Tales are:
PRODUCTION STAFF: Richard Baker, Lawrence B. Brockett, Samuel T. Castleman, Jr., Denison C. Fuller, John W. Gordon, II, Walter F. Goodman, Robert H. Jacobs, Thomas J. Rudd, David T. Schneider, Donald P. Shedd, Peter E. Sloane, Hendrick Ten Eyck, Burton G. Tremaine, III, Samuel J. Wagstaff, Jr.
BUSINESS STAFF: Russell H. Downey, A. Crawford Greene, C. Newton Schenck, III, Ross E. Traphagen,
Charles McC. Weis.

With sketches mostly by John W. Leggett '42 and William H. Schubart, Jr. '41
With lyrics mostly by Samuel J. Wagstaff, Jr. '44 and John W. Leggett '42

Dudley P. Felton '41
Franklin B. Young '42
Albert W. Selden '44
Richard L. Brecker '43
John Gerald '40
Directed by Burton G. Shevelove
Dances Staged by Dean Goodelle
Settings Designed by Peter Wolf
Costumes Designed by Joe Fretwell, III
Wayfarers Coached by Richard O. Fleischer

Dave.............. David M. Boffey '43
Norm........... Norman Boucher '42S
Jack............ John S. Brittain, III '44
Beck........ Beckwith R. Bronson '42
Schuyler.......... Robert L. Brush '42
Lou............... Louis M. Connick '45
Waldo............ Edward W. Cook '44
Morgan...... Morgan Hebard, Jr. '43

Wayfarer dialogue by William H. Schubart '41
Max Wilk '41 and Donald McG. Marshman, Jr. '45

Jupiter.............. Spencer D. Moseley '43
Mercury........... Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42
Alcmena...... Frederick G. N. Pearson '45
Amphytrion...... W. Levering Nimick '44S

Penelope................................ George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41
Ulysses....................................... Lee Prather Stack, Jr. '43

The Glamour Boys...................... George R. Nichols, III '42
and Dean Fuller '45, Louis H. Hollister '43, Mark Lund '45, Frederick G. N. Pearson '45

The Intellectuals ................................John W. Morrison '44
and Richard Baker '44, John Fletcher '43, George R. Hill '43, W. Levering Nimick '44S

The Athletes........................................ Stephen A. Stack '44
and Douglas S. Allen '45, David E. Gile '44, Robert L. Ireland, III '42, Spencer D. Moseley '43,

Pygmalion............................................. John W. Leggett '42
Galatea.................................................. John D. Fletcher '43

The Boys: Douglas S. Allen '45, Richard Baker '44, Dean Fuller '45, David E. Gile '44, John W. Gordon, II '44, George R. Hill '43, Louis H. Hollister '43, Robert L. Ireland, III '42, Mark Lund, Jr. '45, John W. Morrison '44, Spencer D. Moseley '43, George Nichols, III '42, W. Levering Nimick '44S, Frederick G. N. Pearson '45, George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41, William P. Sheidy, Jr. '43, Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42, Lee Prather Stack, Jr. '43, Stephen A. Stack '44

The Debutantes
Dean Fuller '45 John W. Gordon, II '44, Frederick G. N. Pearson '45,
George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41, William P. Sheidy, Jr. '43

Cyril Bergerac................... George Nichols, III '42
Roxane Lee ....................... John W. Gordon, II '44
Christian.................................... George R. Hill '43
Johnny ................................. John W. Morrison '44
Dave............................................ David E. Gile '44
Tim....................................Robert L. Ireland, III '42
Phoebe Beebe ....................... William P. Sheidy '43
Gloria Van Antwerp .....Frederick G. N. Pearson '45
Cuddles Schmidlip ...... George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41
Prate .............................. Lee Prather Stack, Jr. '43
Doug ...................................... Douglas S. Allen '45
Dean .............................................. Dean Fuller '45

and Richard Baker '44, John W. Morrison '44, Louis H. Hollister '43, Spencer D. Moseley '43,
Mark Lund, Jr. '45, Stephen A. Stack '44
By John W. Leggett ' 42

That's Not My Dance .......................................................... Cyril

The Fox Trot .............. Roxane and Christian
The Waltz...........................Phoebe and Dave
The Polka..............................Gloria and Tim
The Rhumba.................. Cuddles and Johnny
The One-Step.....................Phoebe and Prate
The Boogie-Woogie.............Gloria and Dave
The Conga....................... Cuddles and Dean
Music by Albert W. Selden '44; Lyrics by Samuel J. Wagstaff, Jr. '44

Dink Stover ........................................Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42
Augustus Van Cortlandt, III...................... John W. Leggett '42
A Little Boy ............................................ William P. Sheidy '43
By William H. Schubart, Jr. '41

The Yale Men
George G. Schreiber, Jr. '41 and Douglas S. Allen '45, Richard Baker '44, Louis M. Connick, Jr. '45, Edward W. Cook '44, John Fletcher '43, Dean Fuller '45, David E. Gile '44, John W. Gordon, II '44, George R. Hill '43, Louis H. Hollister '43, Robert L. Ireland, III '42, Mark Lund, Jr. '45, John W. Morrison '44, Spencer D. Moseley '43, George Nichols, 3^rd '42, W. Levering Nimick '44S, Frederick G. N. Pearson '45, William P. Sheidy, Jr. 43, Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42, Lee Prather Stack, Jr. '43, Stephen A. Stack '44 By John A. Kneubuhl '42

The Quartet Arrangement: Dean Fuller '45, David E. Gile '44, George R. Hill '43, Stephen A. Stack '44

The Lorelei.................................. John D. Fletcher '43
The Leader of the Sailors ..... Spencer D. Moseley '43
The First Sailor ............................... David E. Gile '44
The Second Sailor .......................Stephen A. Stack '44
The Third Sailor ............................. Richard Baker '44
The Fourth Sailor .......................... George R. Hill '43
The Fifth Sailor .................. Richard L. Ireland, III '42
The Sixth Sailor ................... W. Levering Nimick '44S
The Seventh Sailor ............... William P. Sheidy, Jr. '43
The Eighth Sailor .................. Howard F. Smith, Jr. '42
The Ninth Sailor ................... Lee Prather Stack, Jr. '43

The Debutante.................................Stephen A. Stack '44
Her Mother.................................Spencer D. Moseley '43
Her Grandmother........................... David M. Boffey '43

CREDITS TO
George R. Nichols, III '42 for program cover. Flowers. Inc., for the debut ornaments. Century Drapery Studios for the velours. Lerch for the wigs. Capezio for the dancing shoes. J. Press for Fletcher's sweater. William McD. Stucky for numerous lines. Sally Ross Dinsmore for executing costumes. Helene Smith for executing Can-can costumes. W. Levering Nimick '44S for posters.

THE STAFF

PRODUCTION:
Production Manager ............ Thomas B. Hess '42
Stage Manager . .................John W. Morrison '44

COSTUMES ............................ W. Todd Furniss '42
John W. Gordon, II '44

BUILDING CREW
Headed by:............... ................. Russell Frost '43
John H. Holton, Jr. '43
Including A. S. Barnum '44, J. S. Beckman '45, J. C. Gregory '45, J. C. Mallon '45, W. S. Moorhead '45, D. Schneider '44

PAINT CREW
Headed by: ............. Samuel J. Wagstaff, Jr. '44
Including E. R. Coniffe, Jr. '45, R. E. Loughney, III '45, T. A. McGraw '45, T. E. Noyes '45, R. W. Taylor '42, D. K. Worcester '44

BUSINESS
Business Manager ....... ......... Robert L. Brush '42
Program Manager ... . Donal P. A. McDonnell '43
Publicity Manager .............. David M. Boffey '43
Assisted by A. Crawford Greene '44 and William C. Kelly, II '44

We're off to Waterbury
Let's see how many cars we can pass.
We're going to
A big debut
So step on the gas.

This strikes us very funny
The city's first debut
For nineteen years, or rather
Since nineteen twenty-two.
Her father made his money
In Waterbury clocks.
Her mother made her father
Down among the Savin Rocks.

They're Waterbury's biggest family.
They're social as all hell and rich as Croe-
Sus.
She must be the gal for us.

We're off to Waterbury
Her family requested we come.
And it's been said
That when they're dead,
She'll be worth some sum.

Arrangements were begun in
The middle of last year,
So things might be all glowing
When daughter does appear.
The ballroom will be done in
Chartreuse and black balloons
Which servants have been blowing
For eleven afternoons.

They've decorated every room and john.
They're hanging flowers and they're spraying Chan-
El.
For the Waterbury smell.

We're off to Waterbury
Although the town's no sight for the eye
But still we want
That debutante
So shift into high.

We know that she'll be dressed in
A gown from Saks 5 A.
It's everything it should be--
It's white and I decolletÉ.
That's what she looks her best in. We've heard that she's no fool,
We don't know how she could be,
She's from Ethel Walker's school.

The guys that know say she has oomph
When she's alone or when she's in a roomf-
Ull.
She sounds irresistible.

We're off to Waterbury
And so we'd better put on some speed.
The invites came;
We read the name.
We R. S. V. P'd.

They're showing great acumen
In case the party lags
There's champagne by the bucket
And Cutting's better stags.
There's Maestro Ruby Newman
Conducting on the stand.
But if you want to truck it
There's a boogie-woogie band.

The Yale Dramat songs will be played and sung
And we'll get drunk and start to la cong-
A.
With the greatest of eclat.

We're off to Waterbury
Let's see how many cars we can pass.
We're going to
A big debut
So step on the gas.

Debutante
And I want you all to come down to Long Island and stay at my home for the little season
First Chap
What's the little season?

Debutante
Party week! We all have parties then.

Second Chap
He's from Tulsa, Miss Schmidlipp.

Debutante
Don't call me Miss Schmidlip, it sounds so formal. Just call me cuddles.
(And they are off to the badminton courts as two girls who came out last year come in from opposites of the stage. They scream in unison:)
Darrrrrrling!

First Girl
What have you done to yourself? A hairdresser could do wonders for that limp hair; and what are you using for lipstick? Oleomargarine? And by the way, you must give me the name of your dentist. I have a friend whose mouth is deformed just like your was.

Second Girl
I've been running around like a mad thing . . .

First Girl
Is there any truth in that story about you and the riding master at Foxcroft?
(The second is just about to tear the eyes out of the first when an Amherst man in brief bathing trunks passes on his way to the pool. The second watches him cross the state with great interest, then turns to the first and says:)
I'll see you later, darling.
(The first girl watches her leave, then spies someone down by the model dairy and screams:)
Darrrrrrling!
(She rushes out and two snobs from Harvard enter. They are enjoying the weekend, even though they won't admit it.)

First Snob
I hear the Beebes are very well to do. It certainly looks as though they're comfortable.

Second Snob
And Phoebe Beebe seems to be a very attractive girl. I mean, she has other attributes as well.

First Snob
Otis Bigelow is right in that league.
(Phoebe Beebe, the pride and joy of the Beebe household, enters followed in a haphazard way by Otis Bigelow, the ideal Yale man, who is practising an intricate rhumba step. They greet the Harvard men, who go off for a hot game of croquet. Phoebe is carrying a large tome. She sits and begins to read it. Otis, playing it cosy, finally speaks:)

Otis
Golly, it's good to be here in Greenwich with all my exams over and nothing to worry about except the boat races.

Phoebe
And what is there about the boat races that would keep you awake nights?

Otis
I'm just wondering whether you're going to come with me or not.

Phoebe
Now listen, Otis. I've told you seven times already that I don't enjoy crawling through the Griswold Hotel up to here in broken glass and fifth formers.

Otis
Now that attitude is just ridiculous. I distinctly remember you saying that you'd never seen so many attractive boys all in one room since Alec Bouvier took you to the Orpheum.

Phoebe
Otis, I've nothing against you personally, you understand, but I'm fed up with the whole darned outfit. You're types. Everybody I know is just like you. If your ears weren't a little bigger than average, I'd never have been able to find you that time we got separated at the Harvard game.

Otis
Well, you could have gone by the sport coat. It's absolutely the only one they sold in New Haven. I had the rest of the bolt burned.

Phoebe
Oh, you don't understand. I mean, nobody is any different. Maybe you went to St. Marks--maybe to St. Paul's. Maybe you lived in Old Westbury, maybe in Lake Forest. Maybe you go to Harvard, maybe to Yale. . . . or even Princeton. Anyway, you all look alike, dress alike, talk alike, act alike. . . .

Otis
Well, I don't notice you setting anybody on fire with your individuality.

Phoebe
That's not the point.

Otis
The big mistake was allowing women to vote--no, it was higher education. A woman should never be allowed to go to college.

Phoebe
I never went to college.

Otis
Well, they never taught you this garbage at Farmington.

Phoebe
Nobody taught me anything. I just suddenly realized that the man I love must have something more than . . . He must be . . . a sort of a . . . well, you see . .

Otis
Perhaps you'd like to dig one up.

Phoebe
Please don't kid me. He's so real I can see him. He'll have the whitest teeth, and the longest legs, and the noblest brow.

Otis
I suppose he'll have a body to tie all these goodies together.

Phoebe
I think you're mean to tease me like this.

Otis
(Looking off to the formal gardens)
Holy smokes . . . Look!

Phoebe
Who's that ridiculous fool riding a horse through the tulip bed?

Otis
(His face a mass of disgust)
My God!

Phoebe
(Her face a mass of delight)
A knight . . . in shining armor!

Otis
If this is a joke of some sort . . .

Phoebe
He's coming here; he is. He's coming right up here.

Otis
Phoebe, have you been rubbing any lamps lately?
(Sir Wilberfors enters in complete medieval armor. You cannot see his face, but his getup is magnificent)
Look here, Boffey, if this is another of your impractical jokes, you've picked a very poor time for it.

Phoebe
It can't be Boffey . . .It's too tall.
(She walks over to Sir Wilberfors, raises his visor, and peeks in)
Hello.

Otis
Anybody we know?

Phoebe
Never seen him before.

Otis
Any alcoholic aromas floating out of it?
(He comes closer to examine)
Smells like tuna fish . . . Now let's see, he's probably been to Elsa Maxwell's, and he's gotten lost or something. I think we'd better call the police.

Phoebe
Oh no you don't. I'm going to keep him. . . .my knight in shining armor.

Otis
Oh, now look here, Phoebe. Supposing this guy snaps out of it all of a sudden and finds himself among a lot of strange people. Why, I knew a guy once who woke up after a night in . . .

Phoebe
(Calling at the top of her voice in all directions. You'd think the Beebes could afford a public address system.)
Yoohoo, everybody . . .come on up here. There's something I want you to meet.

Otis
Really, Phoebe . . .
Phoebe
(She doesn't seem to be paying much attention to Otis.)
Now, let's get you out of the hat. It must be rather warm in there.

Sir Wilberfors
I'm quite comfortable, thank you.

Phoebe
Well, some fresh air will do you good, anyway.
(She takes off his helmet)
Isn't that better?

Sir Wilberfors
It is not any better.

Phoebe
Now about you. Isn't this some sort of advertisement? I hope.

Sir Wilberfors
I do not think so, my lady. It is my very own suit.

Phoebe
Do you wear it all the time?

Sir Wilberfors
Except when I sleep. I must wear it for jousting, for fighting dragons, for saving damsels in distress. In short, it is necessary in my quest.

Phoebe
And what is the quest you speak of?

Sir Wilberfors
The quest of the Holy Grail.

Phoebe
Why, of course . . . how silly of me.
(The guests begin to return, but they are so busy chattering that they do not notice Sir Wilberfors.)

First Houseguest
Gosh, what a tennis court. You could shoot billiards on that grass.

Third Houseguest
It's very nice, but the Spratts at Glen Cove have a much smoother one.

First Chap
Do you mean to tell me that they keep five gardeners just to pull up the sour grass?

Debutante
No, only three are for the sour grass. The other two are for mushrooms.

Third Houseguest
(To the first and second, both of whom wear bow ties.)
Say, do you think that bow ties will ever come back?
(Suddenly everyone spots Sir Wilberfors. There is a mass double-take.)

First Chap
Look, a robot!

Debutante
What is it, Phoebe?

Second Chap
Look! A refugee from the Hearst sale.
(by now everyone is chattering like mad.)

Phoebe
Shhh. . . this is . . ah, what did you say your name was?

Sir Wilberfors
I am yclept Sir Wilberfors of Underswitch, son to old King Frederick and heir to his entire estates.

First Snob
Chap's off his trolley.

Phoebe
You know, this may sound funny, but I believe him, somehow.

Otis
Now listen, Phoebe. If you persist in this nonsense about your knight in shining armor another minute, I'll go back to Armonk and never invite you to another boat race in my whole life.

Phoebe
Oh, go back to Armonk. I never want to see another boat race. Why don't you move into the Griswold?
(Otis leaves. Phoebe turns to Wilberfors.)
Say something to them.

Sir Wilberfors
I bid thee greeting
(There is a sickly pause)

Phoebe
Is that all? Can't you tell them something about your work?

Sir Wilberfors
I rode into many countries ever enquiring after the Holy Grail, but never could they hear of it until at last I came to a castle that hight South Orange, New Jersey, and there Sir Dunstan and Sir Cardigan were lodged together. And privily about midnight Sir Dunstan came to Sir Cardigan's squire and said, ``Arise, and make thee ready for ye and I will ride away secretly.''
(The guests are bored and begin to leave, but Phoebe gazes on him rapturously.)
``Sir,'' said the squire, ``I would fain ride with you where you would have me, but an my lord, your cousin, take me, he will slay me.'' ``As for that,'' quoth Sir Dunstan, ``care thee not, for I shall be thy warrant.'' ``But,'' quoth the squire- ''
(Phoebe notices that they have all gone. She is disappointed, to say the least.)

Phoebe
Ah . . . there seems to be a general lack of interest in your background; supposing we save it 'till later?

Sir Wilberfors
Your wish, fair damsel, is my command.

Phoebe
I don't care anything about those stupid undergraduates. I still like knights . . . Golly, you're tall. I bet you're awful strong.

Sir Wilberfors
My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure. One dawn, Sir Edelweis and I rode onto the plain to do battle with the red dragon of Sudburn Tarn . . .

Phoebe
Yes, of course. I'll take your word for it. Tell me, do you still wear the favors of ladies when you fight.?

Sir Wilberfors
In truth.

Phoebe
Would you like something of mine. I happen to have an old bandanna here.

Sir Wilberfors
Gracious lady!

Phoebe
Don't you have to do something now? Kiss me or something?

Sir Wilberfors
No

Phoebe
Well, what happens next?

Sir Wilberfors
Nothing

Phoebe
Nothing?

Sir Wilberfors
Nothing.

Phoebe
Oh. (Embarrassed pause.)
You know, there seems to be something about chivalric love that doesn't come up to expectations.

Sir Wilberfors
I give not displeasure, milady?

Phoebe
No, you give not displeasure, but you lack contemporary appeal.
(Again embarassed pause.)
Say, have you ever smelled perfume?

Sir Wilberfors
Perfume?

Phoebe
No, I guess not.
(She puts her arm around his waist, leaning her head on his shoulder.)
Smell.
(Wilberfors inhales, but does not react. Phoebe is repulsed.)
If this is chivalric love, Sir Thomas has been pulling my leg. Say, what's wrong with you, are you overnourished or undersexed? I think you had better go now, now that the novelty has worn off.

Sir Wilberfors
I think I shall stay.

Phoebe
Please go. There's your horse eating all daddy's nasturtiums. Just go down and get him. You'll be on your way in no time. I'll have someone show you the way.

Sir Wilberfors
I think I shall stay.

Phoebe
Oh not you won't. I'll have Otis throw you out if necessary. He's awfully strong. He used to wrestle.
(Otis enters, luggage in hand, nose in air. Phoebe catches him by the arm.)
Oh, Otis darling, I've been so silly, and now . . . now he won't go.

Sir Wilberfors
I like it here. It calls back Underswitch Castle.

Otis
Boat races?

Phoebe
Oh, Otis, I'd love it.

Otis
Very well.
(But Sir Wilberfors floors him with a single tap.)

Sir Wilberfors
I have the strength of ten because my heart is pure.

Phoebe
Oh gosh. I'd forgotten all about that.
(Again she calls in all the houseguests, ten in number. They come running in, chattering away.)
Quiet. Show Sir Wilberfors the Merritt Parkway.
(And they do. Phoebe shouts after them:)
I think you'll find the Holy Grail up near Boston.
(The girls are now all around Phoebe.)

First Girl
Darrrrling, what did he do?

Phoebe
It isn't what he did. It's what he didn't do.

Second Girl
I'm so glad you came to your senses.

Debutante
You can get something like that Wilberfors any day between 2:30 and 5:30 at the Cloisters.

First Girl
Darling, I hear those knights never take a bath.

Second Girl
I don't think he'd be the most comfortable person to dance with.

Debutante
Anyway, Otis is the most attractive boy you've ever met.

Phoebe
(Realizing that Otis has been lying there all this time.)
Otis! Oh!
(She rushes to him affectionately.)
Otis, dear!

Otis
(Sitting up.)
Where am I.

Phoebe
I don't know where you are, but next week this time you'll be at the Griswold. I've learned my lesson. The romance in life isn't necessarily romantic.
(The boys return and take glasses from a butler who, if he is on cue, has opportunely arrived.)
I propose a toast . . . .
(They all take glasses and pompous attitudes and Phoebe sings:)

Phoebe
He'll be the damnedest chevalier
Sans peur et sans reproche.

A knight in shining armor,
No run-of-the-mill S.O.B.
No stooge, no false alarmer,
No one like you for me.

Now that the Holy Grail's for sale
And cheap
Drink deep.

Everyone
Wassail to uniformity
The common or garden variety
Of regular college society.

Phoebe
His answer's yes
His mind's a blank
He's clothed by Press
And shod by Frank

Everyone
Wassail

Otis
Now that the Holy Grail's for sale,
For good,
Knock wood.

Everyone
Wassail to uniformity
The average college nobility
With charm and a trace of virility.

Otis
He's well to do
A thoroughbred
Born to the blue
But in the red.

Everyone
Wassail.
[Blackout]

PYGMALION & GALATEA

Pygmalion
Women, women, women.
They're here and there and everywhere.
Women, women, women.

Chorus
A rag, a bone, a hank of hair.
And every dame is exactly the same.

Pygmalion
NO.
Some are big, some are small,
Some are short, some are tall,
Some we like, some we don't,
Some that will, some that won't,
Some are fierce, some are tame,
Some are good, some are game,
Some are dumb, some know how.

Chorus
But still I claim
That they're all the same,
From Elsie de Wolfe to Elsie the cow.

Pygmalion
Women, women, women,
A perfect woman, nobly planned,
Women, women, women.
Chorus
But don't you fellows understand?
You can't deny
That they're cast from a die.
Pygmalion
NO.
Some are light, some are dark,
Some like home, some the park,
Some are kind, some are mean,
Some are eight, some eighteen,
Some are cold, some are hot,
Some like Yale, some do not,
Some are fat, some are thin . . .

Chorus
Please understand
Shirley Temple and
Du Barry are sisters under the skin.

Pygmalion
Women, women, women,
My love is like a red, red rose.
Women, women, women.

The difference is speech and clothes.
All this I've known,
And the blind will be shown.
(Enter Galatea)
Do you see this maiden before you?
She's really in the pink,
But would she excite or bore you?
Tell me what you think.

Chorus
She's a hag, she's a bag, we'll go stag.

Pygmalion
I will see that everyone loves you,
Who's treated you so illy.
Please remove your shoes and gloves, you
Mustn't think me silly.

Chorus
She's the pick of the Knick; very chic.

Pygmalion Now I'm in the throes of creation,
Demanding great finesse.
I will need your cooperation,
Please remove your dress.

Chorus
Take it off, take it off, take it off.

Pygmalion
Women, women, women.
They're here and there and everywhere.
Women, women, women

Pygmalion
If you don't know where we are at now,
Watch what the master's doing.
Please remove what's called a hat now,
And the gum you're chewing.

Chorus
Women, women, women.
Do they all look like that undressed?
Women, women, women.

Pygmalion
That's when they're far from at their best.
Just give me room, and this flower will bloom.

Abercrombie & Fitch
Messrs. Abercrombie and Fitch will
Provide this British skirt.
It's that heather color which will
Never show the dirt.

Chorus
Put it on, put it on, put it on.

Abercrombie & Fitch
You can see it's terribly tweedy,
That kind's our best tho'.
It's very stylish, yes indeedy,
Never have it pressed, tho'.

Pygmalion And learn to say
Of the boys you hate:
Drizzle, Joeboy, drool, meatball, lamebrain, hammerhead.
And learn to say
Of the way you feel:
Strictly stock, but good, genial, like the walking dead.

Brooks Brothers
Please let Brooks do all of your knitting.
This sweater makes a hit.
It's altogether fitting
That it shouldn't fit.

Chorus
If it looks like a Brooks, it's deluxe.

Brooks Brothers
You must push the sleeves up a little,
It really makes the sweater.
Button it up the back, and it'll
Make the front look better.

Pygmalion
And learn to say
If you should approve:
Super, priceless, quaint, snakey, luscious, dreamy, swell.
And learn to say
When you disbelieve:
Don't hand me that jive, Ferdinand, the hell you yell.

Peck & Peck Peck and Peck have marvelous socklets
That feel as light as air.
From our latest stock let's
Just try on a pair.

ChorusNow she grows,like a rose, in those clothes.

Spalding
Spalding has that marvelous footwear
For which we're charging some fee, And a lot of space is put where
Shoes should be most comfy.

Pygmalion And learn to say
If you want to leave:
Let's get organized, let's get on the ball, let's blow.
And learn to say
If you're amazed: Patch my pantywaist, oolie droolie, Holy Joe.

Tecla
Tecla has the pearls that are rated
As requisite as clothes,
If they're only simulated,
Who the devil knows?

Chorus
She'll be great on a date; we can't wait.

Lanz
Lanz of Salzburg offers a kerchief
The kind that Smith girls wear up,
So you won't be in the lurch if
You don't fix your hair up.
Now she is glamour girl number one.

Pygmalion
Woman, woman, woman,
Please tell us if you're fact or myth.
Woman, woman, woman,
You outshine all the girls at Smith.
So listen, dear,
While I shout and I cheer. Oh . . . .

Everyone except GalateaHooray about you,
The break of day about you,
The first of May, the Passion Play,
Oh, I'm that way about you.
What can I say to convey
The cheese souffle‚ about you? Hooray about you,
the bonnie brae about you,
The salt sea spray and F. P. A.,
The curds and whey about you.
The emigre and the boston Back Bay,
Oh hooray about you.

Hooray about you,
The Rabelais about you,
The Santa Fe, the protege,
Oh we're that way about you.
What can I say to convey
The Martha Raye about you?

Hooray about you,
The negligee about you,
The bird of prey, the Siboney,
The Chevrolet about you.
The Salome with a head on a tray,
Oh, hooray about you.

Hooray about you,
The Cartier about you,
The swing and sway of Sammy Kaye,
Oh, I'm that way about you.
What can I say to convey
The U. S. A. about you?

Hooray about you,
The here today about you,
The Edna Saint Vincent Millay,
The ricochet about you,
The Milky Way and the tattle-tale gray,
Oh, hooray about you.

Hooray about you,
The one horse shay about you,
The old dog Tray, the matinee, Oh, we're that way about you.
What can I say to convey
The Alice Faye about you?

Hooray about you,
The I qu'est ce que c'est Iÿ about you,
The Dubonnet, the Paraguay,
The Clarence Day about you,
The Triple A and the devil to pay,
Oh, hooray about you.

(The curtain rises on Long Island--a terrace at night during the most fashionable kind of house party. The major-domo, whimsical as all get out, appears running his hand along the terrace wall. He is pleased when he finds no dust on his fingers. He comes down into the garden. He caresses the white velvet trees. He is that kind of a guy. He sings, and after the first two verses many stags appear, looking beautiful and unreal, and sing in counterpoint to the major-domo.)

(They disappear as Cyril, a very nice Yale man, appears. He watches them leave, disbelief on his face. Then he sits moodily. He must be in love. A pretty girl and a bright young man enter on their way to the garden. The girl is talking excitedly.)

Girl
So they line up in a double wingback. The ball goes to the number two who fakes a flat pass to Olsen; he was in at end for three plays in the second quarter. And then what do you suppose they do?

Boy
Gosh, I don't know.

Girl
It's a sleeper and Johnson, who has gone over for some tape during time out--

Guy
And she was wearing the heaviest white Alixe jersey embroidered with silver spangles and the palest metallic thread.

Gal
My, she must have looked sweet.

Guy
Sweet! She was the smartest thing there!
(And they are off as Jack, a fun-loving rover, enters. He is yelling to someone in the house.)

Jack
How was I supposed to know it was the girl's mother?
(He suddenly spies Cyril)
Well, there's genial old fun-loving Cyril. What're you trying to do? Work up a dislike for the grape and its invigorating juice?

Cyril
Go away.

Jack
Aha, we are nursing some recently inflicted wound, or are you still sore about Willkie not carrying Connecticut.

Cyril
No. It's nothing like that. You wouldn't understand.

Jack
Wouldn't understand! Cyril, you misjudge me. I have been accused on frequent occasions of petty lechery and dodging the draft, but never have I been accused of a lack of understanding.

Cyril
Well, it's this way. I'm in love.

Jack
What's that?

Cyril
You see what I mean? You wouldn't understand.

Jack
I'm sorry.

Cyril Well, I'm in love with a girl from an old Kentucky family.

Jack
How old?

Cyril
What difference does that make?

Jack
All the difference in the world. How old?

Cyril
Well, they've lived there since September. They originally came from Hackensack.

Jack
Cyril, do you know what's wrong with you?

Cyril
No. What?

Jack
You're in a trap, baited with champagne and drumstick lipstick and Schiaparelli and Matchabelli and Machiavelli and more champagne. So what do you do but stick your nose into the jaws and then get sore when they don't snap shut. Why, you're a very fortunate chap. It's the ideal life. You nibble the cheese and then you trot on to the next trap for another nibble. Don't hurry and don't worry. Those old jaws will snap shut soon enough if you keep on nibbling.

Cyril
But I don't want to nibble.

Jack
At your age!

Cyril
What's my age got to do with it?

Jack
Never mind. You're a goner. Your basic philosophy is at fault and it would take me fifteen or twenty minutes to set you right. Unfortunately, I have scheduled a little nibbling with Mad Madeline MacIntosh for this part of the evening, so . . .

Cyril
Oh, that's all right. I don't know why I should burden you with my troubles anyway.

Jack Troubles! Hah! You think you've got troubles. I owe J. Press two hundred and sixteen dollars, I'm five weeks behind in my school work, and I've got stomach rumbles.
(He leaves, nearly tripping over a happy couple who have just entered. The lad is tousled and belipsticked. The lass is unruffled and smooth. She is hanging on his arm and gazing skyward.)

Lass
(Very rapturously)
Oh, George, wasn't it beautiful down there by the lake, a little fingernail moon, and music from the dance--Oh, George--

Lad
(Even more rapturously)
It was very nice down by the lake. But I'm not George, I'm Bosco Blevins from Milwaukee.

Lass
(Dazed as she turns to see that Bosco speaks the truth.)
Oh, my God! Then George- is still down- in the- Oh, my God!
(She rushes off at a terrific pace as the lad shrugs his shoulders and walks into the house. Two small boys enter. Groton at least. The slightly taller one speaks.)

Taller
Yeah, well she only invited you because you happened to be standing there.
(The slightly smaller one is nearly crying.)
If I so much as smell you in the vicinity of Bar Harbor I might forget my church school background.
(The slightly smaller one is crying. They exit as Roxane enters. She's so southern that it hurts. She sees Cyril, who is still brooding.)

Roxane
Why, bless me, Cyril, what you all doin' out hyah all by yoself without a woman to comfort you? This hyah's a pahty, not a wake.

Cyril
(Packed with passion)
Gosh, Roxy, seven issues of the New Yorker have come and gone since last you smiled at me. I looked all over the dance floor for you and then I just gave up.

Roxane
Oh, ahm awful sorry, Cyril. But ahm so excited; Ah've got the mos' mahvelous news. Promise me you won't tell anybody. Ah've bagged mahself a man.

Cyril
(Gripped with grief)
Y-y-you mean, you're going to get married? To someone else?

Roxane
Yaius! Isn't it too perfuctly wunderful. After awl, a girl doesn't want to spend all her life jus' having a good time.

Cyril
What's his name?

Roxane
Whose name?

Cyril
His name.

Roxane
Oh, mah fianceeee. Why, it's...lemme think a minute...

Cyril
Did you get his license number?

Roxane
It's...
(It will come to her any minute now.)
It's....It's Christian!
(A magnificent thirst comes over her.)
Let's drink to mah greaht, greaht happiness. Waitah, come heah, an' bring me a hooker of something to driank. Mah Christian.
(During the scene, the major-domo is constantly bringing in drinks and Roxane is constantly drinking them.)

Cyril
Nice guy, I suppose.

Roxane
Oh, he's the most wunnerful man. He's got the Hahvard indifference, the Princeton brass and the Yale libido.

Cyril
Where does this ivy league hail from?

Roxane
Arkansas State Teachers... Ah know ah'm flirtin' wiff the devil but- Waitah- We're goin' to have the mos' wunnerful honeymoon. We're goin' to see America fust-by bus.

Cyril
Not that it's any of my business, but why by bus? \pard plain

Roxane
Ah decided to go by bus.

Cyril
You never used to like busses.

Roxane
Well, they're wahmer than freight cahs.
(She is getting drunk.)

Cyril
Where is this Arkansas traveler?

Roxane
He ought to be along any minute now... any minute now... any... minute... now.
(Christian enters, as primitive a person as you will ever hope to see.)
Thaih!... Wha'd Ah tell you...

Christian
Hello sugar, what's cooking?

Roxane
Oh, Christian, darlin', do come ovah hyah and meet one of mah ver' oldes' friends. This is Cyril, Christian.

Cyril
I'm very glad to meet you.

Christian
Press the flesh... what's cooking?

Cyril
Congratulations, Christian. You're a very lucky fellow.

Christian
Say, did I win it?

Cyril
Win what?

Christian
The jitterbug contest.

Cyril
No, no, I mean you're lucky to get such a fine young woman as Roxane.

Christian
Oh, yeah. Gee, she's a hot little dish, isn't she. A peacherino.

Roxane
Waitah! Waitah!
(And she is off searching for the Major-domo who has gone out for refills.)

Christian
Of course, I'm kind of a diamond in the rough and I'm having a little trouble right now getting her to name the date. I'm afraid unless I brush up a bit on my wooin' she's going to get plenty het up.

Cyril
Maybe I can help you out on that.

Christian
Say, whaddya mean?

Cyril
Oh, no, I don't mean that. You see, I've made sort of a study of Roxy and I know the formula.

Christian
What is it?

Cyril
Animal attraction, plus a dash of sophistication.

Christian
How do I get that?

Cyril
There seems to be enough animal to fill the bill, but the sophistication- I don't know.

Christian
(Sadly)
I got to get sophisticated.

Cyril
There's a place in New Haven- but it takes four years.

Christian
Yeah, that's too long.

Cyril
Well, we'll have to make out the best we can.

Christian
You're a great guy, Cyril.
(Just then the slightly smaller Groton boy enters, running like hell. Roxane is after him with a huge sword. She means business.)

Roxane
Stay and fight, you God-forsaken Yankee!
(And they are off.)

Christian
What do you suppose is going to happen to her?
(Cyril shrugs.)
Do you suppose she'll make the stairs.

Cyril
No, but she'll probably try.

Christian
I guess I may as well go home and play some Count Basie.

Cyril
Oh no you don''t.

Christian
Well, what am I hanging around here for?

Cyril
It's a beautiful night-a new moon-you're going to make love to Roxy.

Christian
Awwwwwwwwwww...
(He lacks the gift of expression. But Roxy has reappeared on the terrace. She is much drunker.)

Roxane
Ah'm so ashamed of mahself. Heah Ah am with awl these purfectly lovely Nawthern people-and Ah'm gettin' dronker and dronker.

Cyril
(Hiding behind a bush.)
Okay, do your stuff.

Christian
Hey, baby.

Roxane
(Bored.)
Yeah

Christian
How about a little jookin'?

Roxane
Ah don' know what it is but it sounds vulgah.

Christian
I've got my bucket outside. We could bump down to the Blue Moon and cut a couple of rugs.

Roxane
Ah don' know why Ah haven't noticed it befoah, but you're a bit provincial- Waitah, bring me another hookah of brandy.

Cyril
(Whispering to Christian.)
C'mon you Arkansas bumpkin, get smart.

Christian
What do I say?

Cyril
If you don't know better than that I'll...

Christian
But what do I say?

Cyril
Get romantic, you big dope.

Christian
How?

Cyril
Tell her you love her.

Christian
I can't do that. It would make me feel so damn silly.

Cyril
Say it.

Christian
Roxane, I love you.
(Roxane is unimpressed)

Cyril
Tell her she reminds you of your favorite movie actress or something.

Christian
Roxy.

Roxane
(Bored)
Uh-huh.

Christian
You know what you remind me of?

Roxane
How many guesses do I get?

Christian
You remind me of Jane Withers.

Roxane
(Bursting into tears.)
That's the cruelest thing anybody ever said to a flowah of the Ol' Souff- Waitah, bring me anything you got kicking around.

Cyril
(Replacing Christian.)
Here, you better let me take over. You just flunked.
(To Roxane, who is just about to leave.)
Hey, wait a minute, Roxy. I was only kidding.

Roxane
(Checking her departure.)
Well, Ah don' think it's very funny, Christian, an' if you're goin' to spen' all the time we're engaged kidding me, what's goin' to happen when we get married- if we get married?

Cyril
Oh, gosh, Roxy, I didn't know you felt that way about it. I'm awfully sorry and from now on I'll be the most considerate guy in the world, because, well- you see- I think you're the most wonderful girl in the world.

Roxane
(Becoming interested.)
Really?

Cyril
Honest. Every other girl- all the ones I used to think were pretty and attractive and would make interesting research if I ever had time to get around to them- just seem stupid and empty like a-a-merry-go-round when the music stops.

Roxane
Oh, Christian, you're so mahvelous.

Cyril
When I'm with you, laughing and talking, the rest of the world is a million miles away. And I feel like I'm in an ocean of whipped cream, floating along hand in hand with you, laughing and singing, and wishing it would never stop.

Roxane
How can you know so well awl the things a woman wants to heah?

Cyril
(To Christian)
Lux et Veritas.

Roxane
Ah'll never doubt you again.
(Christian rushes on the terrace and into Roxane's arms.)

Christian
I... (Les mots justes.) I... I love you

Roxane
And Ah love you too.
(They go off into the house as Roxane calls:)
Waitah, waitah!

(Cyril, alone, sighs and thinks to himself that this is the ideal time for a sad song.)

Cyril
Some folks say
Love is a dancing thing.
But love's not a dancing thing for me,
I know.
For when they play
Some gay Romancing thing,
I always stub my toe.

Love is a polka that gave me a poke,
Love is a joker, I don't get the joke,
Oh, love is a waltz where I haven't a chance,
That's not my dance.

Love is a rhumba I never could learn,
A ballet number that gave me a turn,
A bolero where I know I'm licked in advance,
That's not my dance.

Some know the steps and some know the rhythms,
Some know it all,
I don't deny it, I get up to try it,
And down I fall.

Love is a can-can that ought to be canned,
Love is a fan-dance, I'm no Sally Rand,
It's a conga that one, two, three kicked me in the pants,
That's not my dance.

(All the house guests appear from heaven knows where and stand around while different couples do different dances which are not for Cyril. They end up with Roxane starting a conga chain. Cyril tags on last but doesn't seem to get it right. He is tripping all over himself. By this time Roxy has messed up the conga chain so that she is caught in the center of a lot of people. She suddenly appears from the center above their heads and shoulders and shouts:)

Roxane
Waitah! Get me out of this firetrap!

THE PIED PIPER

There's a meatball who lives in Calhoun,
Whose hometown is Hamden, Connecticut.
He's not only a terrible goon,
He's lacking in breeding and etiquette.

Every night he gets drunk as a coot,
And plays on an old clarinet he has.
And the moment he starts in to toot,
Has he got the stuff, you can bet he has.

And as long as he plays on the thing,
You can't get your sleep or your studies done,
But as soon as he's finished his fling,
You cannot remember just what he's done.

But this pie-eyed piper can take us
And make us
Start a fracas.

When you hear the piper play,
Then it's strike one.
The rhythms are strange,
But strangely you'd like one.
Better end your day, When you hear the piper play.

When you hear him go to town,
Then it's strike two.
You don't give a darn,
But darnit you'd like to.
Better run away,
When you hear the piper play.

First you're formal,
Then you're normal,
Then you're happy,
Then you're slappy,
Then you're goony,
Then you're Mickey Rooney.

When you hear him really rock,
You're a goner.
You want to keep still, But still you don't wanna.
Someone has to pay, So you pay the piper, When you hear the piper play.

The night's as quiet as can be,
And all is well, then suddenly,
Your suit becomes a tiger skin,
Your drink becomes a mickey-finn.
Your walk becomes the Susie Q.

Your bills become a billet doux.
Your room becomes a Harlem den,
Your jokes become Parisienne.
Your cigarette becomes a marijuana,
And all at once you discover,
The book you're reading on Shakespeariana
Is Lady Chatterly's Lover.

When you hear the piper play
He regales ya.
He's got a terrif-
Fic riff for what ails ya.
Better sound your A,
When you hear the piper play.

When you hear his lic'rice stick
Then you are stuff,
You love and you hate
His eight to the bar stuff.
It's the judgment day,
When you hear the piper play.

First you're silly,
Willy-nilly,
Then you're snooty,
Tooty-frutti.
Then you're chipper
Then you're Jack the Ripper.
When you hear his gobble pipe
It's the ending.
You're going to be sent,
And he'll do the sending.
Then you've got to stay,
When you hear the piper,
When you hear the piper play.

(The lights come up on the great room for the coming out. It is all Baroque. The debutante, her mother and grandmother are all posing for an offstage photographer. There is a sudden burst of light from the flashlight bulbs and all three relax and say:)

Together
Thank you.

Mother
(Checking her list)
Now, let's see: Thirty cases of Cordon Rouge mille neuf, cent vingt-sept, twenty cases of Veuve Cliquot blue label, one hundred cases of Haig & Haig, two large bottles of soda . . .

Granny
I suppose it will be all right.

Mother
Why, of course, Granny, why not?

Granny
Oh, nothing. But I was just thinking . . . WHAT A HELL OF A LOT WE USED TO GET DONE WITH TWO QUARTS OF STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM.

Deb
I want my party to be just like the parties in I Life. You know, lots of tall, glamorous men dancing with beautiful young girls, and everybody speaking English.

Mother
Dear, I've still another surprise for you.

Deb
Ooooh, Mummy, tell me quick.

Mother
I 've invited nine Yale men.

Deb
YALE MEN!

Granny
(She remembers)
Yale men . . . It does sound sort of nice, doesn't it. It always has, and I guess it always will.

Deb
Oh, Granny, tell me about them. What are they like? How do you handle them? Should I be soft and yielding?

Mother
Why not? Daddy's got you covered from the balcony.

Deb
(To Granny)
Are they nice? Are they hard to talk to? Do they make you feel at home?

Granny
At home and upstairs.

Mother
Mother's little girl looks too, too charmante. Don't you think so, Grandmere?

Granny
She'll look a lot better than the other girls.

Deb
Are you sure?

Granny
Well, your father's keeping them at the mill 'till eight.

Mother
Is that somebody arriving now?

Deb
Ooooooooh, Mummy, I'm afraid.

Mother
Now don't anybody be nervous. Just act as if you were completely at ease.

Deb
(Begins to sing nervously.)
Da de da de da de da one night of love.
(She points offstage.)
Oooooh, Mummy, here they are.
(The three of them get into position for the receiving line. The wayfarers go briskly down the line, then the other members of the cast. There is much giggling, chatter and laughter. It is the Waterbury Debut and everyone is gay, mad and excited. So they sing to the audience as)

[The curtain falls]

It is altogether certain that a tour of the Dramatic Association during the Christmas holidays would never have been contemplated if we could have foreseen the national situation. And yet once it was settled upon there seem to be few good reasons for cancelling the program, and a number of good reasons why it should go on.

Our country at large, united as seldom before in its stern purpose, needs to temper its grimness with humor in order to preserve its sense of proportion. The British in narrower straits than we, have found relief through their humor, and have kept their sense of values. We need constantly to be reminded that beyond our fighting there is the good, well-proportioned life, and that it is for that life for which we are prepared to die.

The Waterbury Tales were put together in a quieter time, and in a time when youth in high gay spirits could better afford to laugh at the world than now. Most of the actors of the play will soon be engaged in more serious business, on land and sea, and in the air. They will acquit themselves well; and I hope they will carry over into their sterner duties some of the ingenuity, the cheerfulness, even some of the gaiety, which they have exercised so abundantly in the making and the acting of their play. The spectators of The Waterbury Tales should count themselves fortunate to be able to see once more a college production in full form and flavor.

WHO'S WHO
1941

George G. Schreiber, Jr. of Saddle River,N. J. graduated fromYale with a B. A.degree last June. He will play the same role in the tour performances that he played in The Tales production last winter. As an undergraduate Schreiber was a member of Beta Theta Pi. G. G. prepared at Phillips Andover Academy. His father graduated from Yale in 1898.

1942

Norman F. Boucher of Waterbury, Conn., is the chief aide of Pierson College. He attended Crosby High School before entering Yale. This is Norm's first appearance in a Yale Dramat production.

Robert Lind Brush of New York City, is the Business Manager of the Yale Dramatic Association for the college year 1941-42. Besides his official job he has appeared in several previous shows given by the Dramat. Brush is a member of Silliman College and of Beta Theta Pi. He prepared at The Hotchkiss School.

Beckwith Roger Bronson of Lake Forest, Illinois, played in the Dramat's production of Here Come the Clowns last April, and in The Waterbury Tales last winter. Beck is a member of Silliman College and Zeta Psi and a columnist for the Yale Daily News. He prepared at The Taft School.

Robert Livingston Ireland, 3rd, of Shaker Heights. Ohio, appears in his first Yale Dramat production in The Tales. He will be Varsity crew manager this spring, is on the Yale swimming squad, a member of Berkeley College, and the Fence Club. His father attended the class of 1918S.

------>>>>

John Ward Leggett of Sea Girt. N. J. is vice-president of the Dramat and has a leading part in The Tales. He has written numerous skits and lyrics for this production. Jack is an editor of the Yale Daily News, co-chairman of Station WOCD, the Yale Daily News broadcasting station, and a member of the Pundits. He also belongs to the Fence Club, Torch Honor Society, and resides in Timothy Dwight College. He prepared at Andover.

George R. Nichols, 3rd, of Chicago, Ill., is secretary of the Yale Dramatic Association and also has a prominent part in The Tales. Nichols lives in Pierson college, and belongs to Zeta Psi. He is art editor of the Yale Record, and a member of the Pundits. He prepared at Choate School.

Howard Freeman Smith, Jr., of Grosse Pointe, Michigan, appeared in The Waterbury Tales last winter. An editor of the Yale Daily News, Smith belongs to the Haunt Club, Fence Club, and Berkeley College. He is a member of Torch Honor Society, and is a Pundit. He prepared at the Hotchkiss School.

1943

David M. Boffey of Atlantic Highlands, N. J., is a member of the Dramatic Association and is handling publicity for this production, besides having a role as one of the Wayfarers. He lives in Saybrook College. and belongs to Beta Theta Pi. He prepared at Phillips Exeter Academy.

Richard Lee Brecker of New York City will be one of the pianists on tour with The Waterbury Tales. A member of the Dramat, he has written numerous songs, one of which, She Is, has been published by Irving Berlin, Inc. Brecker is an associate editor of the Yale Daily News and lives in Timothy Dwight College.

John Dundas Fletcher, Jr. of Peoria. Ill., has one of the lead roles in The Tales. He played in the Lorelei and Pygmalion scenes in the production last winter, and has proved himself the Dramat's outstanding comedian. Jack is a member of Calhoun College, and prepared at Choate School.

Morgan Hebard, Jr. of Philadelphia, Pa. is a member of the Yale Political Union. Delta Kappa Epsilon, and Davenport College. "Morg" sings in the Apollo Glee Club, and plays squash and tennis. He prepared at The Canterbury School. His father was Yale 1910.

George R. Hill of Minneapolis. Minn., lives in Pierson College, and is a member of Delta Kappa Epsilon, the Yale Glee Club, the Yale Community Council, and the Spizzwinks. George takes one of the prominent roles in The Waterbury Tales and has acted in many former Dramat productions. He prepared at The Blake School.

Louis H. Hollister of Islip, Long Island, N. Y. belongs to Davenport College. He is a member of the Dramat, and has sung with the Glee Club. He prepared at Groton. His father was president of the Dramat in 1907.

Spencer D. Moseley of Highland Park, Ill., is captain-elect and center of the Yale football team receiving universal acclaim for his defensive work as line backer-up. Spence is a member of Calhoun College, the Fence Club, and the Varsity wrestling team. He prepared at the Hill and Cheshire Schools. His father is George C. Moseley, 1917S.

------>>>>

William Paul Sheidy, Jr., hails from Reading, Pa. and is a member of Calhoun College. He has appeared in the Dramat's last production, The Frogs, as well as other plays.

Lee Prather Stack, Jr. of Hingham, Mass. appears in The Tales for the first time. He will captain the Timothy Dwight football team next fall, and was also on his freshman football team. Prate belongs to Chi Psi, and has a brother Steve, also in the cast. He prepared at Pomfret.

1944

Richard Baker of Toledo, Ohio, belongs to Pierson College and is a member of the Dramatic Association. Dick has worked on the production crew in past productions. He prepared at Lawrenceville. His father is Herbert H. Baker, 1910.

John Sherrard Brittain, 3rd, of New York City, belongs to Pierson College and Zeta Psi. John acted in the Dramat's recent production of Aristophanes' The Frogs, which was staged in Yale's mammoth Payne Whitney Gymnasium Exhibition Pool, and other plays at Yale. He prepared at Andover. His father was John Sherrard Brittain. Jr., Class of 1896.

Edward Willingham Cook, of Memphis, Tenn. makes his first appearance on the stage in this production. Ned belongs to Pierson College and Zeta Psi. Cook is an associate editor of the Yale Daily News, and a member of the Yale Political Union. He prepared at Hotchkiss.

David E. Gile of Pittsburgh. Pa. played in The Tales last winter. Dave lives in Davenport College, and is a member of Zeta Psi and the Apollo Glee Club. His father attended Yale in 1914. He prepared at Andover.

John W. Gordon, 2nd, of Short Hills, N. J. is a member of Berkeley College, the Dramatic Association and the Apollo Glee Club. He has done acting and costuming in past productions, and is in charge of the latter department on tour. He prepared at Loomis.

John Washburn Morrison of Wayzata, Minn. is stage manager of this production besides having a part in The Tales. He lives in Pierson College and is a member of Zeta Psi. Morrison played on the Varsity soccer squad this fall, and is a member of the Dramatic Association. He prepared at Hotchkiss. His father is Dr. Angus W. Morrison, Yale 1906.

Webb Levering Nimick, of Sewickley, Pa., is a member of Silliman College and St. Anthony. He was in last winter's Tales and has been in charge of the Dramat's poster designs for the past two years and has also worked on production crew in past shows. He prepared at The Kent School.

Albert W. Selden of Greenwich. Conn., will be one of the pianists on tour. He lives in Silliman College and is a member of Chi Psi. Besides writing numerous songs for The Tales, Selden plays the piano for WOCD, Yale Daily News' broadcasting station. He is the son of Lynde Selden. Yale 1913. "Al" prepared at Hotchkiss.

------>>>>

Stephen A. Stack of Hingham. Mass. was regular guard on the Yale Football team this fall, starting both Princeton and Harvard games. This is his first Dramat performance at Yale. He is a member of the Glee Club and Delta Kappa Epsilon, and lives in Timothy Dwight College. Last year he was president of the Freshman Glee Club, and played cub football. He prepared at Deerfield Academy.

1945

Douglas Stuart Allen of St. Charles. Ill., makes his first appearance as a Yale thespian in this production. He lives in Lawrence Hall, and is out for freshman crew.

Louis McGuire Connick of New York City was the star of the freshman production Tom Thumb the Great earlier this fall. He played freshman soccer, and lives in Welch Hall. His father attended Yale in 1912. He prepared at Hotchkiss.

Walter Dean Fuller, Jr. of Bryn Mawr. Pa. is out for cub 150 lb. crew, and sings in the freshman Glee Club. Dean lives in Lawrence Hall. This is his first Dramat performance. He prepared at Episcopal School.

Marquard Henry Lund, Jr. of Riverside. Conn. is also out for freshman crew. Mark lives in Welch Hall. He prepared at Loomis.

Frederick Gordon Neil Pearson, of Beverly, Mass., is currently playing in the first line for the cub hockey team. He was on the South Middle intramural football team this fall, and acted in the freshman Dramat production, Tom Thumb. He prepared at Hotchkiss School.

Cast will go to Hope Club; from where they will proceed to homes
at which members are staying for the night.

2.45 p.m. Train arrives in New York
Members of cast are free until Monday at 2. P.m.
For information in New York get in touch with
Robert L. Brush, 530 Park Avenue, Regent 4-8444.

7.00 p.m. Cast at Waldorf for performance 8.30 p.m. Performance to be followed by a supper dance

10.00 p.m. Sleeping cars ready for occupancy at Pennsylvania Station (PRR #13). Train leaves 3.20 a.m.

1.24 p.m. Train arrives in Pittsburgh. Cast will go at once to Schenley Theater on Forbes Street.

*4.00 p.m. Tea dance given by Mr. & Mrs. Frederick Schaefer for Miss Daphne Firth at Twentieth Century Club (Bayard Street, a few blocks from theatre)

*11.00p.m. Dance at Pittsburgh Golf club given by Mr. Frederick J. Blackburn Sleeping cars ready for occupancy at 10.00 p.m.

Arrive Cincinnati. Cast to go directly to Hotel Sinton (4^th and Vine Streets). Will spend nights at Sinton.

Dance given by Mr. Patrick Calhoun, Jr. for Miss Gayle Kelly at the Hotel Sinton.

Dance given by Mrs. Briggs-Swift Cunningham for Miss Elizabeth Stephenson at the Netherlands Plaza.

Train arrives Chicago (Union Station). Cast to go to Congress Hotel, Michigan Avenue. Will spend two nights there.

Party given by Mrs. Cyrus Adams for Miss Leonore Cudahy, 1300 Lake Shore Drive. (Until 7.00 p.m.)

Entire cast at Milwaukee Station as soon as possible after the show. Train is scheduled to leave at 1.00 a.m. but will be held for us a short time. Please cooperate especially here. Leave on CMStP$P #4.

Dinner party at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Howard F.Smith, 338 Provincial Road, Grosse Pointe Farms.

A train for New York leaves Detroit at 8.30 a.m., Michigan Central Station, arriving in New York at 9.30 p.m.